Kau ingat masalah kau selesai kalau kau sedih? - Din Beramboi

Growing up, I have had moments that I thought were insignificant or banal. But looking back, some of them may not be as ordinary as I might think.

I remembered when I was in standard 3. It was somewhere in June or July. The Teacher was reading out the mid-year results just before going to recess.

I was number 2. Syafeeq was number 1.

I was devastated. Syafeeq was elated.

That was the first time that I did not get number 1 in class. Yes, it was childish (but I was a child), immature (again, I was a child) and nerdy (no comment), but I was brought up to believe that to be the best is everything.

So, just like what all 9 years old would do when they're dissapointed, I didn't go out for recess, but stayed in the class and cried at my table (yes people-who-grew-up-with-me, with the glasses thrown away, arms folded on the table supporting my forehead, the usual drama act). As the class emptied out, the Teacher saw me and she approached me.

"Kenapa awak menanggis?" (notice the double G)
No answer.

"Sebab awak tak dapat nombor satu?"
Nodded. Still facing the table.

"Kan awak dapat nombor 2. Tak cukup ke?"
Shook.

"Tak apalah. Beza awak dengan Syafeeq pun bukannya jauh sangat. Awak janganlah menanggis"
No answer.

"Inikan baru darjah tiga. Nanti banyak lagi benda awak boleh belajar. UPSR awak kena dapat 5A, PMR ada 8A. Awak kejarlah time tu"
Looked up. Still no answer. Sobbing.

"Janganlah menanggis. Ini benda kecil saje. Nanti awak dah besar, lagi banyak benda yang susah. Kalau awak menanggis sekarang, nanti awak dah tak ade air mata macam mana?"
Head back to facing table. Restarted crying.

"Macam ni. Awak kena janji dengan saya. Awak kena pilih. Awak boleh menanggis sekarang. Tetapi janji yang bila besar nanti, kalau awak ada masalah, awak sedih macam mana pun, awak tak boleh menanggis. Atau, awak berhenti menanggis sekarang, simpan air mata awak untuk masa yang awak betul-betul perlu menanggis"

I nodded. Lo and behold. I cried even louder. She left me at that.

No, that was not the last time I cried. Heck, I still did it when I was in Form 5.

But I think I am done crying now.

I am saving up my tears, even when the pain really hurts.

I think I am done sulking now.

Oh and by the way, Syafeeq went on to be number 1 in the year-end exams. And that was the last time he ever overtook me in any exams.