Yesterday, when I was young...

Working life has somehow changed me. I used to feel old, but now, I feel ancient. I simply just don't see things in the same way as I did a few months ago. Working life changed me.

1. I used to buy drinks like Pepsi or Sprite and Milo. Now, I buy green tea with lemon.
2. I used to consume gallons of Ribena or Sarsaparilla. Now, I drink barrels of tea and coffee.
3. I used to wear t-shirts. Now, I find myself wearing shirts. Even when I go to the movies.
4. I used to shop for t-shirts. Now I shop for ties.
5. My idea of a quick relaxing used to be going to the nearest mall. Now, I like to drive around.
6. My idea of a great escape used to be visiting big cities. Now, I want to see kunang-kunang in Kuala Selangor
7. My idea of overseas trip used to be to Paris or Melbourne. Now I'm longing to go to Iceland and see the geysers.
8. I used to fantasize about being a wizard or a prince (yeah, I know what you're thinking). Now, all I have in my head is my retirement.

So you see, I have changed. But then I realised, after a long talk with my parents, after a group therapy session with my colleagues at work, and after a one-on-one no holds barred talk with Lela at KFC, I come to realise that, maybe, for some odd reason, I have simply grown up.

Maybe that's it. I just have to face the harsh reality of life that I am no longer a remaja.

I can't just sigh whenever I see my peers still running wild on their semester breaks while I am neatly tucked behind my desk, staring at numbers and punching the calculator like a grand maestro on a piano. No I can't.

I can't just gawk whenever I see friends driving around in big fancy cars or could afford things that I couldn't just because their parents provide for them and mine don't and that I have to work my derrier off in order for me to afford the same things that was handed to them on a silverplatter. No I can't

I can't just feel sorry for myself whenever I see people working jobs that they really enjoy doing and not even close to half as hard as I do, but earn a bizzillion times more than I do. No I can't.

I can't just choke whenever I see a wife feeding her husband some fries while letting their son sipping from her cup while I stuff a Filet o Fish to my face all alone because nobody would want to date/marry an auditor, or even worse, me. No I can't

I can't just sulk whenever I come to realise that the person I imagined I would spend the rest of my life with doesn't feel the same for me, and that I don't really mind that because I know she deserves better than me. No I can't.

So working life changed me. For better or for worse? Who knows? But this is me. Feel it. Embrace it. Live with it.

Maybe then she'll like me.