Kau ingat masalah kau selesai kalau kau sedih? - Din Beramboi

Growing up, I have had moments that I thought were insignificant or banal. But looking back, some of them may not be as ordinary as I might think.

I remembered when I was in standard 3. It was somewhere in June or July. The Teacher was reading out the mid-year results just before going to recess.

I was number 2. Syafeeq was number 1.

I was devastated. Syafeeq was elated.

That was the first time that I did not get number 1 in class. Yes, it was childish (but I was a child), immature (again, I was a child) and nerdy (no comment), but I was brought up to believe that to be the best is everything.

So, just like what all 9 years old would do when they're dissapointed, I didn't go out for recess, but stayed in the class and cried at my table (yes people-who-grew-up-with-me, with the glasses thrown away, arms folded on the table supporting my forehead, the usual drama act). As the class emptied out, the Teacher saw me and she approached me.

"Kenapa awak menanggis?" (notice the double G)
No answer.

"Sebab awak tak dapat nombor satu?"
Nodded. Still facing the table.

"Kan awak dapat nombor 2. Tak cukup ke?"
Shook.

"Tak apalah. Beza awak dengan Syafeeq pun bukannya jauh sangat. Awak janganlah menanggis"
No answer.

"Inikan baru darjah tiga. Nanti banyak lagi benda awak boleh belajar. UPSR awak kena dapat 5A, PMR ada 8A. Awak kejarlah time tu"
Looked up. Still no answer. Sobbing.

"Janganlah menanggis. Ini benda kecil saje. Nanti awak dah besar, lagi banyak benda yang susah. Kalau awak menanggis sekarang, nanti awak dah tak ade air mata macam mana?"
Head back to facing table. Restarted crying.

"Macam ni. Awak kena janji dengan saya. Awak kena pilih. Awak boleh menanggis sekarang. Tetapi janji yang bila besar nanti, kalau awak ada masalah, awak sedih macam mana pun, awak tak boleh menanggis. Atau, awak berhenti menanggis sekarang, simpan air mata awak untuk masa yang awak betul-betul perlu menanggis"

I nodded. Lo and behold. I cried even louder. She left me at that.

No, that was not the last time I cried. Heck, I still did it when I was in Form 5.

But I think I am done crying now.

I am saving up my tears, even when the pain really hurts.

I think I am done sulking now.

Oh and by the way, Syafeeq went on to be number 1 in the year-end exams. And that was the last time he ever overtook me in any exams.

When the show goes wrong, just send in the clowns

It was a long weekend. Fortunately you can always depend on Monday Blues to take your mind off. I think it's time to set my priorities right. So here's the updated list of questions in life which are yet to be answered:

1. Bila nak kaya
2. Bila nak pencen
3. Bila nak kahwin

Just when I'd stopped opening doors

Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours

Making my entrance again with my usual flair

Sure of my lines, no one is there

What a surprise, who could foresee?

I'd come to feel about you what you felt about me

Why only now when I see that you've drifted away?

What a surprise, what a cliché

Send in the clowns

Aku dan rambutku

Di sebuah kedai menggubah rambut di Shah Alam di sebuah petang Ahad yang hening.

Aku: Bos kalau pakai mesen, nombor apa paling panjang?
Mamak: Nombor 4
Aku: Nombor 4 tu panjang mana?
Mamak: Pendek saja
Aku: Takpelah potong pendek

Zaaaaaaaaaaap.

Mamak: Nombor 4 pendek ini macam

Wahai Encik Mamak,
Ketika saya membuat pilihan potongan rambut sebentar tadi, yang saya maksudkan dengan potong pendek ialah memotong dengan gaya biasa dan bersahaja tetapi pendek, ibarat potongan rambut seorang pelajar sekolah. Bukannya, potong pendek dengan menggunakan mesen dan penyambung nombor 4. Saya memahami niat murni Encik Mamak untuk menunjukkan saya contoh betapa pendeknya rambut yang didandan dengan mesen dan penyambung nombor 4. Tetapi bukankah lebih baik jika Encik Mamak membuat demonstrasi di bahagian tepi rambut saya? Mengapa setelah ditarah bahagian tengah rambut saya barulah Encik Mamak menyuarakan niat Encik Mamak ingin menunjukkan contoh?

Jahanam rambut aku yang ikal mayang ni.

Apa reaksi orang ramai terhadap rambut aku?

"Kimi! Rambut Baru!" - Lan, Sumber Manusia

"Kimi nampak macam budak nakal kat sekolah" - Zali, Perakaunan Pengurusan

"Kimi nampak garanglah" - Azfa, Perkhidmatan Perakaunan

"Baru balik umrah ke?" - Zal, Kerani

"You nampak boyish la" - Aida, Perakaunan Kewangan
Habis? Sebelum ni apa? Girlish?
"Tak, sebelum ni manly, sekarang boyish la, macam budak-budak"

"Kenapa you potong rambut? You dah tak nampak cute tau. I lagi suka you rambut panjang" - Rokiah (bukan nama sebenar), Pengurus
Alamek, gangguan seksual.

Tapi siapa yang kata "Kau potong rambut ke Kimi?" memang aku hangen. Aku jawab je terus "Taklah, dia gugur sendiri".

Cepatlah tumbuh rambut baru. Macam mana nak berus 100 kali sebelum tidur kalau tak.

Pledge

It is now 20 days to my birthday.

I hereby promise,

to lose 2 kilos by that day

and to lose 24 kilos by my 24th birthday.

So help me God.

Pointless rantings #39

My dear Malaysian Chinese friends,

Let me firstly congratulate you and express my admiration for you perseverance of learning our native language, the Malay language. Although some of you are able to converse with ease, others still struggle to make a proper sentence, but the effort that you put into it is highly commendable.

I personally believe that this should not be a one way struggle. We should also learn Mandarin, and Tamil for that matter.

Surely, as a non native speaker you prone to make mistakes. An unforgettable example from a personal experience would be when a friend was trying to incorporate idioms or peribahasa in his sentences. Although the end result was comical, I still respected his effort. I mean, who wouldn't laugh to "Buaya di tepi pantai" when he meant "Buaya darat", or even "memasukkan tangan ke dalam jeruk ikan" as opposed to the obvious "alang-alang menyeluk perkasam"?. We always have a laugh when you do make mistakes, but we forgive you.

However, I personally can't say that I am okay with one mistake that, seems to me, to be common among you. It's the confusion of "kita" and "kitaorang".

Please do note that Kita is used by someone as a plural first person plus the interlocutor. It is an inclusive pronoun.

Kitaorang, however, is the popular version of the standard Kami, which is used as a plural first person. It is an exclusive pronoun.

The popular conjugation from the standard Dia to Diaorang (equals to Mereka) and from Kau to Kauorang (equals to Kalian) should not be confused with the usage of Kitaorang.

So imagine the puzzlement of the Malay interlocutor in the following totally-fictitious dialogue when speaking to his Malaysian Chinese friend -

Malay: Haih, stressnya buat kerja.
Chinese: Rilekslah. Kan Sabtu ni kitaorang nak pergi family day dekat PD. (yes with the accent)
Malay:(What? am I no longer invited to the family day too?)

More than once, I have felt left out when conversing with a Malaysian Chinese friend (yes, I am THAT insecure). So please, please take note of this.

Jawatan kosong dalam hati yang kosong

Vacancy

Position: Wife
Responsibility: To provide a loving environment for the children and husband.
Remuneration: Nil. Will instead receive an undying love and care from husband.
Fringe Benefits: Occasional foot rub.

Kimi's unfulfilled childhood dream

#26 To be the boy who walks around during the Friday sermon collecting donation.